| | EDIT: Picture of his roachiness (and me looking like a really rag-tag ninja) ahead. You have been warned.
So, umm, the roach thing happened again.
This time i had my wits about me. And i was wearing pajama bottoms, which means i was half ready for battle.
I spotted the twin brother of the cockroach from the first epic battle on the doorframe of bedroom as i came back from my midnight snack attack. After watching it not move for five minutes, i decided that there was little chance it was going to fuck with me, and proceed to get in bed, wrap my mosquito net around my bed, and go on with my evening.
Five minutes later, i heard a small thud. I looked around, and on the wall behind me (completely across the room from my door) was the cockroach. Clearly, it had flown, and clearly it was just as crappy at landing as the other one. It moved in the same skittery drunk fashion as Epic Battle Roach I, crawling up to the ceiling and then falling backwards. I continued to sit in my fortress and hope for the best. But then i made the connection between the two roaches behavior, and quickly went into battle mode.
First, i put House of Pain's "Jump Around" on repeat.
I slowly exited my fortress and moved around the perimeter of the room towards my closet, where i jumped inside, grabbed the first hoodie i could find, and zipped it up over my tank-top clad torso (not idea for roach battle - leaves too much skin exposed and SKIN is the last thing you want a roach landing on). I grabbed a bandanna and tied it over my nose and mouth, remember the awful stat i had once heard about during his or her lifetime everyone will have at least four bugs crawl into their mouth while they're asleep. Finally, i grabbed a pair of closed toed shoes and slipped them on, in case of a ground assault.
Then i got the vacuum.
Epic Battle Roach II had taken the same strategy as his predecessor, landing first on my mosquito net, and then sticking to other surfaces that i couldn't suck him up on (a loose poster, crawling along my christmas lights). I decided it was safe enough to force him to move, and started throwing small stuffed animals at him (i always knew leaving my beanie baby collection in my room would one day come in handy). However, every time i threw something at him he'd just move from un-suckable surface to un-suckable surface. Bad news.
He went back to the mosquito net while i thought about what to do. Figuring that there was nothing at all i could do with him on the net, i threw an animal at him. Mistake.
The animal missed, and instead pulled the mosquito net open enough for him to slip inside - and penetrate the sanctity of my bed-fortress. I panicked. I pulled the curtains open as far as i could. I continued to bombard him with animal aerial attacks. But to no avail. Somehow that fucker stayed in there.
And then it fell of the curtain. And onto my pillows. Since i don't have a headboard and the head of my bed is in one of the corners of my room, i've had to build up a backboard using pillows - a great place for a roach to hide.
I stared at my bed in complete terror. Never had a roach delt such a below the belt blow. The bed is sacred territory. No bug ever gets on the bed. Except this motherfucker. This demon roach.
I crept towards the head of the bed, vacuum in one hand, the other slowly reaching toward the outer throw pillow. I quickly threw it off the bed. Nothing.
The next was one of those chair pillow things. Harder to quickly throw. I hooked it's loop with the end of the vacuum cleaner nossle and swung it off the bed. Nothing as well.
At this point i began to consider that the roach might have gone under my bed, where i would never be able to find it and consequently would have to find other sleeping arrangements for the night. I did not like this prospect. I grabbed the next pillow.
And there it was.
"Luckily" it ran towards the opposite end of the bed. I flipped the vacuum cleaner on. This madness ended now.
It flew from the bed back to the christmas lights around my window. I decided to take my chances. I swung the nossle up behind it and chased it down until it too met the fate of its twin brother, thus ending the second Epic Battle of the summer.
While it was flying around like a drunkard i managed to snap it's picture. Sorry i didn't take the time to turn off the flash so that it would have more ambiance and style:
Afterwards, i took a picture of the roach-fighting outfit, sans my weapon of choice because the moment i suck one up i immediately put the end back on the nossle and get the vacuum quite far a way from my room, just to be safe. Also you can get a better idea of the mosquito curtain situation.
In the two and a half weeks i have left, i better not have to don that gear again.
Damn fucking roaches. |
| | Posted 7/27/2006 4:48 PM - 508 Views - 18 eProps - 9 comments
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